10/05/09
Sports Section
 | A Title Bout
has been scheduled that should settle the question about which
alpha vamp can kick the other's ass. Although it won't be the sweaty
sex-fest that Queen Sophie Ann hoped for, the match promises to
be a crowd-pleasing epoch of blood and violence never before seen in
the ring. Since Vampires can sustain massive injuries and heal quickly, it will likely go many rounds over the human limit. In addition, the "no hitting below the belt" rule was waived for Battling Bill Compton due to a height handicap. The blue challenger has been cautioned to use it sparingly however. The swaggering Swede Northman says he's not worried, but an angry mob of females can get out of control real quick. |
A scantily clad Ginger will provide arterial blood if needed, as well as performing the completely unneccessary task of strutting around the ring holding a sign in between rounds.  |  An armed Sheriff Bud Dearborn will referee, for added excitement. |
A minor incident occured at weigh-in when Bill Compton was accused of having rocks in his pockets. He has also been cited for irregular boxing attire, such as wearing buttoned long-sleeved shirts in the ring. Bill's response was to immediately start trash-talking his opponent. "I hate that Viking c**ksucker and he's gonna finally get his ass kicked. I'm gonna pulverize him, til there's nothing left but his size 14 shoes and stringy Swedish goop for Ginger to mop up!" The calm and cool Scandinavian laughed and said he planned to just hold Bill at arm's length until he tired himself out. |  |
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Sookie Stackhouse, looking forward to the bout. She told us that she loves the thought of vampires fighting over her, but hoped no one gets so seriously hurt that they can't continue the rivalry. |  |
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