09/24/09
Bill Compton Sightings Pour In
I think we have a winner...
| Tips
have been coming in from all over the country about our mysteriously
missing vampire. Most have been crackpots, but a few could actually be
helpful. As of 6:00 pm yesterday, the donation jar at
Merlottes
contained a whopping $57.35. A tipster in Biddle Arkansas sent this photo of a local convenience store clerk. We agree that it looks like him. We also suspect that Bill would stay in his Southern comfort zone, but I can see two big problems with it. a) Bill loathed working and b) wouldn't be caught dead in a T-shirt. Next... |  |
 | A blood bank employee in Twin Falls Idaho sent this photo of a man who came in Monday evening to sell his blood. The similarities are uncanny, and the shirt has buttons ... but what the heck would he be doing in Idaho, for Christsakes? I can't see it.. |
This looks like Bill #1 from a few months ago. It was taken in a tavern in Richmond, Virginia, and sent in by the woman pictured, who could only describe him as "sex on a stick". If it IS Bill Compton, maybe he should disappear more often. |  |
I think we have a winner...
| The most promising lead came from a Memphis vampire who wishes to remain.. anonymous. After hearing Bill's heart-wrenching story, Anonymous agreed to be his sponsor. "We just love Bill" he said, "When he first took the podium and told us how Sookie had rejected his marriage proposal after all he had done for her, there wasn't a dry eye in the place." | "At Bloodsuckers Anonymous we focus on honesty and learning how to avoid mixing with humans because our slogans are useless, frankly. To say we have poor impulse control is an understatement, and the word moderation isn't in our vocabulary. Well, sometimes Bill doesn't like hearing that, and is quick to anger... but as we know, anger is just one letter away from danger." |
| . | |
 | "It's like watching a train wreck" says Detective Andy Bellefleur, of his boss's very public affair. "You know it's gonna be ugly, but you can't look away." "Fuck all y'all" says Dearborn "with Ginger I feel like a new man." One can't deny that the couple seem genuinely happy together. They've become almost inseperable, with Ginger often sitting on Bud's lap and accompying him him in the sheriff's vehicle. "She gives the 'Ride Along' program a whole new meaning" says Bellefleur. We asked Ginger what attracted her to the law officer. "I don't scream when I see him!" she revealed, surprisingly. "except in the bedroom." TMI, Ginger. That's one mental image our readers don't need. |
Bon Temps Times back issues | Entertainment News Local couple appear on Jerry Springer One day before vampire Bill disappears! Coincidence?  |