09/20/09
Special Edition
Who is Bill Compton?
| What we at the paper know about the MIA Bill Compton could be summarized as follows: 1. He's a vampire, turned during the Civil War 2. He's now occupying the old Compton house. 3. He's a loner, claims to be a mainstreamer. 4. He and Sookie Stackhouse are an item. 5. He doesn't appear to be employed. So why would anyone kidnap him? Just a little digging on the dashing dirtnapper has unearthed some unsettling allegations, innuendos, and a few facts. We don't want to be sued, so we can't print them yet. Sookie may choose to remain in Fantasyland (and by the way, Gitmo called with a job offer), but his longtime partner Lorena (right) had a somewhat different reaction upon hearing about his vanishing act. |  "What took him so long?" |
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 Questioned about the last time she had seen Bill, Lorena produced the photo (right), claiming to not remember anything after Bill knocked her out with the television. We think there's more to that story. | Bud
Dearborn (left) getting schooled on Bill's history, according to
Lorena. He had no comment except to say that he found it "disturbing".
This got us curious enough to ask Dearborn a hypothetical:
Since there's no Statute of Limitations on murder, why aren't vampires
prosecuted? You never hear about that. He told us to ask
Nan Flanagan, but she's a little scary. |
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  Steve and Sarah Newlin "Who's Bill Compton? " | List of suspects getting longer. The biological parents of Bill's "daughter" Jessica, Mr. and Mrs. Jordan Hamby, certainly have a motive.According to inside sources, Jessica was kidnapped by vampires and "turned" against her will by Bill Compton. The Hambys haven't seen or heard from her since. One truck driver (below) who wished to remain anonymous says they should "count their blessings."  |
| Lorena has more to say - Domestic bliss with a human has devastating effects from the constant stress of trying to subdue their true nature, she claims. "It's been known to age vampires in extreme cases. " | To bolster her claim, she offers the following photos taken only months apart, and a dire prediction: "At this rate" she says "Bill will be dead before Sookie." We hope that she's wrong... |
| BEFORE | AFTER |
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| Coming up: Exclusive coverage of Bud Dearborn's undercover re-con mission to Fangtasia. |  |
Classifieds Help Wanted - Waitress. Over 21, single and attractive. If you're comfortable around rednecks and serial killers, see Sam at Merlottes. (Shifters okay, no maenads need apply) Bon Temps Times back issues | Entertainment News Local couple appear on Jerry Springer One day before vampire Bill disappears! Coincidence?  Deleted Scenes from "I Will Rise Up" |
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