09/18/09
Missing Vampire Investigation is Ongoing
| "Yeah, going nowhere!" charges Sookie Stackhouse,
who seems to have taken over the investigation. Her angry outbursts
and slapping of suspects, however, have forced the police to consider asking her to stop. The unflappable Viking arrived at 10 pm as agreed, appearing aloof and bored but cooperative. Northman even volunteered to take a lie detector test, which he passed with flying colors. When Stackhouse heard the results she went medieval. "You fucking morons, of course he passed! He's DEAD!" After a brief exchange, the two detectives conceded the point. |  "Holy shit. Let me do the talking, Andy." |
"Eric,
I swear to God, if you know something you better spill it
unless you enjoy stuffing tampons in your ears! I'll keep this
going for days if I have to!" Stackhouse screamed, to kick things off. | "Sookie has something very.. special about her" Eric sighs. "Northman, are you high? Just a routine question." "Vampires are always high, but not in the sense you mean. I have been feeling .. something, lately." "Yeah, probably enjoyment from torturing Bill, you shitbag!" "Sookie, maybe you could wait outside?" Dearborn pleaded. "Kiss my ass you dumb hick!" she retorted. |
| Taking him into another room, Dearborn continued the interview. "I have to say, you're the most relaxed interview I've had, but would you mind sitting up? It's a little disconcerting." "Northman, I'm inclined to believe you. In fact, I'm pretty sure that vampire Bill was having second thoughts and bailed. Can't say as I blame him." "He's a fool." "Well, now, I'm not so sure he is. Just a couple of questions and we'll call it a night. You must be a busy man, with your nightclub and all. I hear that you're also a Sheriff? Mind showing me your badge?" "We don't need badges." "Interesting. So, what does it mean, exactly? Are you elected, like me?" "It's not a democracy" he scoffed. "What does this have to do with Compton?" "Maybe nothing, but I'll ask the questions here. When was the last time you saw him?" "The night before he disappeared." "Did he seem upset to you? " "The mere sight of me upsets him. He was angry, childish, and anxious to get back to his human. Same as always." "Why does seeing you upset him?" "You'll have to ask him. It may be related to his fear and loathing of authority figures. I'm sure you're well acquainted with this, being in a position of power yourself." |   Sookie enters. "Good Lord, how long does it take you jackasses to ask a few questions?" "Okay, you're free to go, Northman. Just don't leave the area until Bill is back. Vampires always come back. " |
 Uh oh. Looks like Jessica needs some daddy discipline. | In a related, just breaking news story - Jessica Compton (left) learned of her father's disappearance when someone recognized her at the local truck stop and made inquiries. This picture has just put Jessica on the list of suspects in the recent string of vampire attacks on truckers, according to Dearborn, and prompted a written statement issued by Nan Flanagan of AVL containing all the usual denials and veiled threats. She has, however, agrred to debate our ace reporter in an upcoming issue. |
Bon Temps Times back issues | Entertainment News Local couple appear on Jerry Springer One day before vampire Bill disappears! Coincidence?  |